Broken
by Clumsy.Clumsy.Tonks
Summary: When Tonks is captured and tortured by Bellatrix and Greyback she's left broken. It's up to our favourite werewolf to pick up the pieces. WARNING rated for mentions of rape.
1. Chapter 1

**Wotcher xD This is one of my first fics so play nice? This chapter is the reason for the rating so if you want to skip this one it's fine xD**

**Anyway enjoy and please review xD**

Tonks P.O.V

I was just about to disapparate from the burrow where I'd been invited over to dinner when something caught my eye. It was nothing more than a slight shift in the grass but it caused me to hold my wand up never the less. The longer I looked at the same spot the more pronounced the figure became hiding there became. A figure I would be able to spot in a crowd of a million, a figure that had been hurting me and making my life hell since I was a baby. Maybe this gives you an idea of how sick and insane this person was, tormenting babies, and doing it for no real reason except maybe fun.

"What is it?" Remus and Molly asked at the same time, the only two people standing in the front garden with me.

"I-I thought I saw...," I trailed of as the figure emerged from the long grass in front of he house, showing herself to everyone, she had heavy eye lids and crazy black hair.

"...her," I finished.

But before I could cast a spell, before anyone else could even pull out their wands I found myself inside a shield, a sort of magical bubble shutting me from everyone else, stopping them coming to my aid, I was alone with Bellatrix Lestrange. I was alone with a person wanted for murder, I was alone with a person who had sworn to kill me from the very moment she knew of my existence . Saying I was afraid was an understatement! There where a series of bangs and flashes of light as Molly and Remus fought to take the shield down, but nothing, I observed, was working.

"What're you doing here?" I spat my voice full of hatred and disgust that had grown and grown over the years.

"Now, now that's no way to talk to your beloved Aunt is it?" Bellatrix spat back.

There were two loud cracks and just to my Aunts left shoulder I saw Kingsley and Mad-Eye appear.

"Molly, the alarms went off, there's an intruder!" I heard Kingsley say in his low booming tones.

If it didn't mean taking my eyes off the enemy (Mad-Eye rule number 3) I would have rolled them. "Well done Sherlock!" I shouted back sarcastically trying as best as I could to sound like me when I felt so much like a little girl again.

I could only imagine what their faces must have looked like as they took in the situation.

More flashes and Mad-Eye and Kingsley tried to help, but still nothing, no help was to come, the shield refused to budge.

We stared at each other for a long time neither making the first move, neither taking their eyes off the opponent. With each passing second the tension grew and grew until I just couldn't take it any more!

"Expelliarmus!" I shouted but with an almost bored flick of her wrist she threw the spell aside.

It was just like training, dodge everything they throw at you and throw twice as much back. And so that's what I did bending, twisting, flicking over and over, using every nasty spell in my arsenal, which, I'm quite proud to say, was rather a lot. It was just like and elaborate game of dodge ball, with only one difference, I was playing for my life .

It took time but I was wearing her out, she was losing focus, each of her spells were becoming easier to dodge and I could see in her eyes she knew it, she knew she was losing. What I didn't see however was the knife she'd hurled at me until it was almost to late. I broke concentration driving out of the way of the knife and that's all it took for her to finally get me. The word cut through the air like a knife in butter.

"CRUCIO!"

All I could feel was pain, pain worse that a hundred, million red hot knifes running up my body, pain worse that every bone in my body being ground into powder. I could feel my body twisting and convulsing seeking relief and the screams were escaping from my mouth before I could stop them.

I didn't know of anything but the pain.

I didn't know that my screaming had brought 'the kids' out of the house to find out what was going on.

I didn't know that Ginny was crying in her Mum's arms.

I certainly didn't know that Remus was on his knees next no me on the other side of the shield whispering words of comfort.

As quickly as it started it was gone and I was left aching all over and gasping for breath. I reached feebly for my wand but it went flying out of my reach towards Bellatrix who caught it nimbly.

"Aww does little Tonksie not like that? Does she not want it again?" My Aunt taunted before she said it again, the word everyone in the whole wizarding world dreaded...

"CRUCIO!"

Knowing what was coming did NOT make it any easier, if it's possible it made it worse because I was already sore all over.

"You monster!" I heard someone scream "Leave her alone," But I was in to much pain to feel gracious, I was in to much pain to even feel scared.

"Not likely I'm having way to much fun!" She ginned laughing demoniacally and flicking her wand lazily.

I was tossed into the air my arms and legs flopping around limply like a scarecrow and I landed in a whimpering heap. Unable to fight back any more, unable to move without my whole body erupting into excruciating pain.

I looked up and instantly wished I hadn't she was walking slowly but deliberately towards me reaching out.

"Don't touch me," I growled.

"Aww does the ickle baby not want the big bad Auntie to touch her?" She grinned her eyes glinting maliciously as she reached out slowly towards me. I was to tired to fight her off so I could do nothing but lie there feeling helpless, and, completely terrified, when her hand closed over my wrist. With a CRACK! The burrow was gone.

Remus P.O.V

We had given up trying to break the shield, it was hopeless and it tore me up inside to know that there was nothing we could but sit back and wait, nothing we could do but shout feeble words of encouragement as she battled her 'Beloved Aunt'. The monster was nothing close to an Aunt the only thing she ever gave Tonks was nightmares!

Thankfully though it didn't look like she needed our help at all, she was beating her, she was wearing down Bellatrix Lestrange the feared death eater.

"Taught her everything she knows," Moody said gruffly a distinct not of pride in his voice.

None of us saw the knife until it was to late to warn her.

"Filthy underhand..." Whatever Moody was going to say next was drowned out by Tonks' screams.

Bone chilling screams, screams that made my stomach drop to my feet and my insides squirm. Before I even knew what I was doing I was on the floor as close to her as I could get, trying to do anything I could to help her. My words of comfort, however, fell on deaf ears it was obvious from her face she couldn't see, hear, smell, taste or feel anything but pain. Just looking at Tonks' face as she lay there twitching, rather thrashing… it was indescribable. Every single ounce of pain she was feeling was reflected there and it was murderous to watch, it turned my insides to stone.

"What's going on?" Ginny asked in a very small voice.

"That's- That's not Tonks is it? Tell me it's not Tonks," Hermoine pleaded to no one burying her head in Ron's chest.

Finally the screaming the stopped and all I could do, yet again, was watch her catch her breath and listen to Bellatrix taunting her. My blood was boiling and I wanted nothing more than to cause that death eater as much harm as possible.

She was screaming again "You monster! Leaver her alone!" I yelled out. My attempt to stop her was feeble, I know, but it was the only thing I could do and I took a tiny bit of comfort in that fact.

She looked like a rag doll, not a human being, not the funny, bubbly, smiling Tonks we all know as she was thrown into the air. But what truly broke my heart was when she just lay there, no fight left in her, accepting whatever was to come because she couldn't do anything about it.

Then just like that she was gone. Every ones face bore the same expression disbelief and the only thing that broke the shell shocked silence were Ginny's sobs.

"Where-where is she Mum?" She chocked out sounded so much younger that she is.

"Well, we're not quite sure," Molly said in the most comforting voice she could manage.

"I am, apparently Bellatrix was having to much fun to use occlumency," I spat out with venom getting up to apparate to the place I had plucked from her head as she and Tonks disappeared when sinister figures appeared from the grass, death eaters, no doubt to keep us busy and every ounce of concentration I had was the turned to duelling.

Tonks P.O.V

I was being dragged by my hair through what appeared to be an abandoned building in almost pitch darkness, my heart hammering, my eyes straining and my resolve crumbling. Each step I took sent jolts if unimaginable pain shooting up my legs.

"What took you so long?" A deep masculine voice rumbled from somewhere in front of me.

I knew who it was that spoke instantly, Greyback. Great so not not only did I have my enstanged Aunt to worry about but a werewolf also, just peachy!

"Ickle Tonksie was with friends, so we decided to give them a little show, didn't we," Bellatrix hissed through the darkness before laughing a heart stopping cackle, greyback joining in.

There are two of them, there's only one of me, maybe I should just-just give up, except death. I thought to myself despairingly. _NO!_ A bolder voice from somewhere spoke up. _You are Nymphadora, don't call me that, Tonks! You will not give up! You will not beg, you will not cry, you will not in anyway give them any sort of satisfaction, you will NOT give them what they want and you WILL pull through this head held high! _And so it was with that thought I faced my Aunt and her fellow death eater..

"I'll make this easy for you, tell us where Harry Potter is and how to get to him," Greyback said in an almost bored voice.

"No," I said simply and defiantly head help high as I prepared myself for what I knew was coming.

"CRUCIO!"

It was back, the pain embracing me in it's red hot embrace like an old friend, and although I promised I wouldn't give them any satisfaction the screams were unstoppable. I wasn't under it for as long as I had been the last time, I suppose they didn't want me like Frank and Alice, they needed me, I had something they wanted, this was why I didn't tell them I wasn't secret keeper, because then they would have no use for me, and I would undoubtedly be killed.

So it went on, the same question, the same EXCRUCIATING pain, but I stuck to what I said before, never caving in, never begging, and never giving them what they wanted.

I counted every time that they took the curse of me and I was still me, still Tonks, still sane...

1..

2..

3..

15..

16..

21..

22..

"Urgh! Just give in already!" Bellatrix screeched "Break and start begging like all the others!"

"I think I know how we can crush her fighting spirit," Greyback ginned, showing all his teeth as he looked me up and down his eyes studying me and I swear I saw him lick his lips.

My insides froze and I was suddenly praying that I had misunderstood, that this was a joke, that they'd change their minds!

My prayers obviously never made it anywhere as within seconds my fears were confirmed. Greyback conjured a bed. He picked me up roughly throwing me down on it clamping his hands over my upper arm to hold me in place, forcing me down onto the hard mattress. That's when I learned what true terror was. I felt physically sick as he kissed me, roughly so I couldn't breath, forcing his tongue into my mouth.

I was desperately trying to fight him off but I was so weak my attempts were laughable. For the first time that night I truly wanted to die, I didn't want to be alive the next day, I didn't want to have to tell the tale.

He pulled back leaving me gasping for breath as he raked his eyes hungrily over me, that was the worst thing about this whole thing, his ability to make me feel dirty without even touching me.

Quicker than I could comprehend her was tugging my robes of my shoulders, drinking in the exposed flesh. He tried to take my top off to but when he realised he'd have to realise me to do so he settled with ripping the bottom half away. With each passing minute, no second, I was feeling more and more vulnerable, getting closer and closer to tears, but I would NOT cry, I though defiantly, but even in my head the words sounded hollow, meaningless.

"You know I think I'll give you a memento to remind you how much of a slut you are," He hissed in my ear, his hot, sweaty breath making me retch.

He drew his wand and then there was more pain, hot, burning, searing, pain. Not all over but in one concentrated spot, just above my navel. He looked down as if admiring his handiwork and it took all my will power to over come the dread building in my stomach and look down. There curved round my navel, burned into my skin and showing up red hot were four letter. S-L-U-T.

I almost cried right there, I almost begged him to stop as I realised what that would remind me of for years to come, that is assuming I ever get out of this, which, I admitted, the chances of were very very slim. No one knew where I was so no one could come and get me. I found the fact that I had no control over this strangely comforting.

I was brought crashing back to earth when one of his hands left my arm to pull down my trousers and underwear in one go. I have never felt so raw, so useless, so scared, so vulnerable, ever!

Then he pulled down his own trousers and forced my legs open positioned himself and thrust in to me.

The pain was so intense I thought he was ripping me in half, I screamed out only getting a sick laugh from my Aunt.

As thrust again and I found myself begging "No- no please, stop this, I-i can't do it anymore," I cried tears running freely down my cheeks as I sobbed.

"I do like it when they beg don't you?," Bellatrix laughed

And that shut me up sharpish. I gritted my teeth trying to relive all the happy memories I could think of, trying to pull myself away from this torture, but with each thrust I was brought very painfully back to earth.

He got fast and faster, rougher and rougher until I just couldn't feel any more. His hands had left my arms and were running all over me, scratching, and nipping, occasionally breaking skin and always leaving a mark. I was completely numb. After an age of pain I felt him realise and stop just staying inside me grunting.

"We'll ask again," He whispered in a cruel voice "How do we get Harry Potter?"

Even in this state I didn't say anything. I just lay there.

I heard my Aunt exclaim in exasperation "Just tell us!" She shrieked

"No it's all right Bella, we'll leave her alone for a bit... with just her thoughts," He hissed menacingly in my ear. I froze, leaving me alone with only one thing to think might even be just as unbearable as the torture it's self .

He pulled out of me and in the time it took him to put his trousers back on I was completely dressed again with my robes pulled protectively around me curling up in a ball. I was suddenly one the floor and he vanished the bed, but even the pain could not stop me from feeling numb. It was completely surreal, almost as if I was watching a muggle T.V, waiting to see how the actress would react.

I was unable to feel, unable to think, I just lay there shaking uncontrollably.

I was brought from a near unconscious state when I heard a yell and my Aunt hit the floor, followed closely by Greyback. I waited for the actress to show surprise, relief, in fact any sort of emotion at all, but her face stayed blank. She didn't, the actress I mean, show even the slightest bit happiness as Remus Lupin suddenly appeared in front of her, she didn't even smile.

**So what did you think? Dis you like it, should I write more? Or was it rubbish and I should delete it straight away? Please review and tell me xD**


	2. Chapter 2

Remus P.O.V

As soon as the last death eater fled I disillusioned myself and disapparated. Stunning Bellatrix and Greyback was the easy part, the hard part was finding Tonks like that! Her face was cover in patches of dried blood and cuts. Her mascara had all the way to the bottom of her face, she must have been crying a lot, she just looked so... so vulnerable, childlike almost, curled there her robes pulled tightly around her.

"Tonks?" I asked gently kneeling down slowly so as not to startle her. When she didn't reply my mind instantly jumped to Frank and Alice.

"Tonks, can you hear me?" I said in an almost desperate voice but she just stared at me, or right through me.

"Nymphadora..." I began

"Don't call me that," A hoarse and raspy voice answered, I simply would not have known it was her If I hadn't seen her bleeding lips move.

I had to fight back a smile, captured by death eaters and she still finds the energy to correct me about her name!

"Are you ok? Do you need to go to St Mungo's -"

"No!" She answered a little to quickly "I-I just want to go home," She finished in a tiny voice.

A bit my lip, she looked really hurt, she needed a healer, but her eyes were pleading and eventually I gave in.

"Can you stand?" I wondered sceptically.

She didn't answer, just gritted her teeth and pulled herself off the floor. I clasped her arm and turned on the spot, pretending I hadn't noticed her flinch- probably just a bruise or a cut I touched.

Tonks P.O.V

Finally I was home, where I knew exactly was every thing was, where _I _was!

I wrenched my arm away as soon as my feet hit the floor, I did NOT want to be touched right now! So I limped painfully through my flat without assistance collapsing on my couch, mentally placing a barricade between thoughts and feelings, and me, not allowing anything past it.

I pulled my robes, if it was possible, tighter around myself as Remus sat down on the couch with me. I found myself edging further and further away from him until I was basically sitting on the arm rest.

"Tonks, what-what happened?" He asked me gently his eyes full of concern.

I just shook my head the tears slowly rolling down my face.

"Here, let me heal you," He offered reaching out for me. Suddenly I was aware of an emotion forcing itself through a crack in my barricade- Terror, complete, absolute, blind terror! I was scrambling backwards off the end of the sofa, putting as much distance between myself and him as possible. If I was thinking rationally I would have found it stupid, funny almost that I was desperately trying to get away from the person who was trying to help me, but I wasn't thinking rationally, my mind had been twisted completely morphed by fear.

Remus was walking slowly towards me hands in the air in a sort of surrender "I'm not going to hurt you Tonks, I'm trying to help you," His voice was soft and gentle, as if he was talking to a child.

I shook my head vigorously shying away from him "Don't-don't touch me," I said trying to sound fierce but it came out no more than a scared whisper.

"Oh Tonks, what have they done to you?" He asked his voice sounded scared, but I think he was scared for me? I didn't want pity though, the only thing I longed for was solitude, I had no idea where this desire came from, but now I had a need, a desperation to be alone.

"Remus I-I think it would be best if you left," I whispered.

"Now Tonks I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Just go, please," I was almost begging with him and I could see his resolve visibly wavering.

"But-"

"Just GO!" I yelled found myself yelling at him, screaming even. "GET THE HELL OUT MY FLAT!"

I can see the hurt in his eyes but I can't bring myself to feel upset, I still can't bring myself to feel anything for that matter.

"I'll just leave this here then," He said in a stiff voice placing my wand at my feet and leaving the room. He paused at the door a little maybe in case I was going to call him back before stepping outside.

I sat there curled in a ball for an indeterminable amount of time under the barricade broke and all the emotions I had fought to keep at bay came crashing over me. I was shaking, sobbing, screaming, retching, gagging and crying all at the same time.

I cried because I could still feel HIS hands on me.

I cried because I felt so unclean.

I cried because I still hurt all over.

I cried because I hurt the person who was only trying to help me.

I cried because no one would ever want me now.

I cried for a million different reasons making one unbearable pain.

Remus P.O.V

"Don't-don't touch me," She whimpered

"Oh Tonks, what have they done to you?" I asked. I had never, ever seen her like this before. She was an auror wasn't she, you don't expect aurors to get this hurt, just like you don't expect Teachers to fail tests or dentists to get a cavity.

"Remus I-I think it would be best if you left," I did _not _want to leave her like this, so afraid and in such a state, just like you wouldn't want to leave a small child home alone.

"Now Tonks I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Just go, please," I watched her begging me and I started doubting myself, if she wanted me to go should I? Was I making things worse by being here?

"But-"

"Just GO! GET THE HELL OUT MY FLAT!" That hurt more than I'd care to admit, I was only helping her! None the less I placed her wand at her feet, I guess I should just give her what she wanted, give her time to heal. So I walked slowly across the room and stopped at the door waiting to see if she would call me back, hoping she would, but she never did.

So I stepped out the door and apparated to the burrow where everyone was waiting on tender hooks. I was just gong to send a patronus once she was ok, but since I wasn't with Tonks I decided just to go.

I knocked on the door and reeled of facts about myself only to be bombarded by questions as soon as I stepped through the door! Everyone asked me different questions at the same time.

"Let him get a seat," Molly scolded and I nodded at her gratefully sinking into an armchair.

"So?" Molly asked once I was seated.

"Well... she's alive," I sighed knowing I wasn't doing anything to help their nerves.

"Care to elaborate?" Sirius asked and you could hear the fight in his voice to keep it level.

" I found her with Bellatrix and Greyback. She's a bit roughed up,, there doesn't seem to be anything drastically wrong with her, but..." I trailed off unable to put what Tonks looked like into words.

"But what?" Ginny asked quietly.

"She's acting weird," I settled with.

"For god's sake man stop talking in riddles," Moody growled.

"Ok, she's jittery, scared, defensive, vulnerable, almost childlike," I said unable to think of a word to sum it all up.

"Where is she now?" The twins asked at the same time.

"At her flat," I told them.

"Wait a minute you left my baby cousin all alone in her flat when you just described her as vulnerable?" Sirius said standing up angrily and brandishing his wand as if thinking of a spell suitable.

"I would have stayed!" I said defensively "But she started screaming, and I mean screaming, at me to get out,"

I watched Sirius trying to decide if it was still ok to hex me for a bit until he, thankfully, sat back down.

"Right I'm going over there," Molly said decisively.

"Molly, she said, rather yelled at the top of her lungs, to be left alone," Remus said wearily

"I'm going anyway," Molly shrugged grabbing her wand and leaving with a CRACK!

Tonks P.O.V

I was brought out of my spiral of misery by a small soft knock on my door.

"Who-who's there," I choked out my heart hammering as I reached for my wand trying to convince myself death esters wouldn't knock.

"Tonks dear, it's me, Molly," Someone told me from outside.

"P-prove it," I called back fighting to keep my voice level.

"Last week you knocked over my favourite vase and had to use Fred's want to fix it because you lost yours and spent the rest of the day avoiding Mad-Eye," Molly told me. Last week? It seemed like years ago!

Now I had to decide did I want to see anyone? I know I sent Remus away but... something about seeing Molly was appealing, I don't know if it's because because she's like a second mother to me or because I know she won't tell anyone but I found myself telling her to come in.

I didn't need a mirror to know how much of a state I looked, I must have looked terrible, and that was confirmed by the look in Molly's eyes, a look of pure sympathy and concern as she saw me huddled up in a corned. She, like Remus, walked slowly towards me, reaching out, but this time I didn't pull away.

I found myself wrapped in the motherly embrace I had longed for. I was crying again, tears rolling down my cheeks, shoulders shaking, the whole shebang as she rocked me from side to side.

"Shhhh... shhhh.. your alright, your safe now," She told me in a soothing voice We stayed like that for God knows how long until I couldn't have cried any more if I tried. She held me at arms length and looked me up and down.

"Do you need a healer?" She asked gently and I shook my head vigorously. Ouch bad idea now my heads throbbing worse than ever.

"Do you want me to try heal you?" She asked. I considered the question, I did hurt all over and I know _I _definitely couldn't completely heal myself, I didn't even know where to start with burns! So I nodded.

Molly helped me stand and looked at me apologetically as she asked me to take off my robe. I bit my lip forcing myself to remember it's just Molly! So with that in mind I took of my robe.

I couldn't bear to look at her as she took in my bloodstained ripped top and trousers, I couldn't look into her eyes as she saw the scratch mark and bruises, couldn't bear to read her expression as she took in the ugly purple black bruises in the obvious shapes of finger or the burn on my stomach. I couldn't however stop myself from hearing her sharp intake of breath her her low mummer of "Oh Tonks," As she put two and two together but she didn't say anything.

When I finally work up the courage to look at her she had her wand pointed at me muttering spells, with each spell I felt a small amount of pain leave me and when I looked at my arms and stomach I could see the blood and scratches disappearing.

"There now for the bruises," She told me pointing her wand back at me. As she did so I had to FORCE myself not to shy away.

Just like the scratches the bruises disappeared one by one until all that were left were the ones on my arms.

They made my arms look so much smaller and paler by comparison. I waited for them to disappear like all the others.. but they never did.

I looked at Molly, her brow furrowed, she looked completely confused as she pointed her wand back at me and said the spells again. Still the bruises reused to budge.

"Oh Tonks I-I don't know why but I can't vanish them," She told me gently as if waiting for the break down. But I forced myself to stay strong, they would heal normally surely, and Id just wear long sleeves.

I nodded "It's-it's ok," I told her "It'll be fine," This time I was speaking more to myself now than her.

"And-and correct me if I'm wrong, but that burn wasn't made by something hot was it?" She asked me.

"Ummm no," I whispered.

"I can't heal dark magic Tonks," She told me gently holding her arms open. I stumbled towards her wincing as I went. She enveloped me in a hug gently as I shook, I would have been crying AGAIN but I had no tears left. After I calmed down AGAIN (god I was worse than a baby!) she pulled back and looked me in the eye.

"Where does it still hurt?" She asked. It was a simple question,but one I found impossible to answer. Maybe this was the best way to tell her, indirectly with out having to use the words.

"Between my legs," I all but whispered. Her eyes changed from sympathetic to horrified, to disgusted and back to sympathetic.

"Oh, oh my," She said looking at the burn, the bruises then back to my face.

"He didn't, I mean surely, he couldn't," She stuttered unable to get the words out.

"He did," Was all I said.

**This chapter was really hard to write, it was almost impossible to get Tonks' reaction right... how'd I do? Review and tell me? Pretty please with a cherry on top?**

**Also I know there wasn't a lot of Remus but don't worry that'll change ;D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Before I start I'd like to say a big, big thank you to **Emily-ILovedHerAgainstReason** and **WolfMarauder** who were my only two reviewers despit my story being viewed 164 times! **

**You all made Poncho the smiley face Moustache guy sad! D}:**

**Anyway thanks guys!#**

Tonks

I don't know if Molly was comforting myself or her any more as she hugged me. Telling me she was sorry but she couldn't heal me the rest of my 'wounds'. I just nodded assuring her I would take pain potions until I healed by myself.

"Do you want to stay at the Burrow tonight?" She asked.

I would have loved to stay there but I found myself answering. "No Molly I couldn't, you have a full house...," I started before she cut me off.

"Nonsense! I'm sure Hermoine wouldn't mind sharing with Ginny and Harry's already sharing with Ron..." Now it was my turn to interrupt.

"Harry? When did Harry get there?" I asked

"Right after you.. left," She said picking her words carefully.

"Oh, well if your sure there's a room for me," I said trying no to sound to eager.

"Of course there is dear," She told me quickly "Maybe you want to get changed first?"

I looked down at my torn and blood stained clothes and nodded "Yeah that might be a good idea," I said laughing bitterly. Yesterday I would have probably made a sarcastic joke out of that question, but now even though I'm only a day older I feel so much more grown up.

I took the fastest shower know to man! The full minute and a half I was in there I longed for the protection of clothes but when I finally put them on I still didn't feel safe. I knew it would take much more than clothes to make me feel protected , in fact I doubted I ever would again!

I was wearing long trousers and long top with and over-sized pink jumper thrown on over them, but I didn't feel trapped in them as I sometimes did in long clothes, in fact I was relieved to be hidden. They were giving me a sense of invisibility that even the most powerful disillusionment charm could not recreate.

I stepped down the stairs slowly, careful not to fall. Molly was standing by the door smiling at me, but I found myself unable to return it.

She took my arm gently and spun on the spot and landed just outside the door. "Some of the order are inside, they might want to ask you some questions, you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to though," She gave my hand a quick squeeze before pushing the door open.

The first thing I heard once I stepped in the kitchen was a surprise yelp of "Dora!" then I was in someone's arms, even though I was just being hugged I felt trapped. I choked back a scream as I thrashed desperately and hammer punched their chest. When they let me go and pulled back I saw it was Sirius. His eyes were searching me, looking for a reason.

I felt myself go pink, just my cheeks of course, my hair was a limp mousy brown. "I-I'm claustrophobic," I lied to try and justify my actions. I watched Sirius' eyes narrow, I know he doesn't believe me, I've never been like this before. I ignore him, sinking into a chair my head in my hands as I slowed my heart rate that had shot up.

"Tonks? What happened?" Such a simple question, that I just couldn't answer. I had been expecting it of course, but I still couldn't tell them, not yet.

"Just the usual Aunt and niece bonding," I told them deliberately avoiding the question.

"What REALLY happened?" Moody asked eyeing me up.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms round them, making myself as small as possible and shook my head hoping they would just stop asking me about it.

"You all right?" Arthur asked me.

"I-I'll live," I whispered my voice breaking slightly.

"Did you fight back?" Fred asked eagerly and rather out of the blue, I don't think he was trying to be insensitive, I am a fully trained auror, but none the less I hated him for asking it. I hated him because If I think about it I didn't fight back! Merlin! I'm auror and all I did was cry in a heap!

"I-I tried," I told them my voice barely audible.

"Bet you got a couple of good swings in," He grinned but I shook my head.

"I could barely move," I choked brushing away a single tear irritably.

"Right that's enough! I know you need to make sure she didn't give information away but so far all you've asked her are personal questions," Molly burst in glaring at Fred and George "So Tonks dear , what did they want to know and did you tell them?" She finished kindly.

"They-they wanted to know a-about Harry," I stuttered "And I didn't tell them anything," I looked round at every ones nods of approval "Can I go to bed now?"

"Yes yes of course dear, up the stairs second door on the left," She told me and with that I basically leapt of my chair and hurried out of the room away from all the searching glances and pitying looks.

Remus P.O.V

I'd been amazed when I found out Tonks had been coming I guess it took a mothers touch. But after being captured so cruelly like that I would have thought that company was the last thing she wanted, especially after how she acted in the flat. However I could also understand that she might be craving normality, trying to put it all behind her.

I tried to catch her eye, but she seemed determined to look at the floor from the minute she walked, rather stumbled, through the front door.

Padoot had her in a hug before she could even take in her surroundings, _b__ad idea!_ I mentally screamed at him and smugly thought,_ told you so_, when she started punching him frantically. Needless to say I wasn't convince was she told us she was claustrophobic and I only felt sorry for her when she was sitting there, head in her hands taking large steadying breaths.

"Tonks? What happened?" Kingsley asked her.

"Just the usual Aunt and niece bonding," She answered us. The words sounded like Tonks but the voice was so wrong! It was hollow and with no feeling, almost like it was a very bad actor playing Tonks, reading off a script.

"What REALLY happened?" Moody asked her.

I watched her bring her knees to her chest and, yet again, I couldn't help but compare her to a small child. I looked round everyone looked horrified! I could understand why, this witch sitting in front of us was simply not Tonks but a shell of the wonderful, bubbly person that had once been.

"You all right?" Arthur asked her his face full of concern.

"I-I'll live," her voice quivered and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok, but given the circumstances I seriously doubt that would be a good idea.

"Did you fight back?" Fred asked eagerly. Smooth Fred, just smooth.

"I-I tried," I literally had to strain my ears to catch the answer and when I did I found the corners of my mouth twitch up the way a bit, there was the Tonks we knew and loved, I mean know and love.

"Bet you got a couple of good swings in," He grinned. Doesn't this kid know when to quit while he's ahead?

"I could barely move," She choked out. I watched the tears roll down her cheeks helplessly, if there was something I could do believe me I would do it without a second thought.

"Right that's enough! I know you need to make sure she didn't give information away but so far all you've asked her are personal questions," Molly burst in glaring at Fred and George "So Tonks dear , what did they want to know and did you tell them?"

"They-they wanted to know a-about Harry, and I didn't tell them anything, can I go to bed now?" She rambled quickly.

"Yes yes of course dear, up the stairs second door on the left," Molly told her and no sooner had the words left her mouth and Tonks was out the door apparently eager to be away from us all.

"Something is seriously wrong with that girl," Moody growled.

"What d'you mean?" Sirius asked

"Well she's been under the cruciatus curse and been captured and fought before, she's an auror it's almost unavoidable, but she's always come out the other end of it laughing and joking, refusing help, that sort of thing. She's one of the best young aurors I ever met, almost unfazed by pretty much anything, does that sound like the person we just saw leave?" Moody asked us "Another thing, have any of you seen Nymphadora Tonks cry before?"

Moody's revelation made the already bleak situation even worse. Every one was shaking their heads making one thing clear, she had never EVER cried in front of any of us before.

"So what do you think happened to her?" I asked

"It has to be something life altering, almost scarring," Moody told us.

"Oh it was scarring all right," Molly spat out angrily.

"You know what happened?" Sirius asked "Tell us!"

"I-I'm not sure I should," Molly said carefully "It's something that she needs to do herself,"

We all looked at her minds working to unscramble what she'd just said.

Tonks P.O.V

_You weakling! _A voice at the back of my head snarled at me. _Crying in front of the order like that! Now they're going to think you to pathetic to be in it!_

I collapsed on the bed trying to force the mental barricade back up again, maybe, just maybe I could get some sleep. So I pulled my jumper off and slipped under the covers relishing the safe feeling of being cocooned by myself.

He_ was chasing me down a long corridor with no windows and no way out. I saw my aunt running towards me so I slipped round a corner that appeared out of no where. I was running flat out desperate to get away but I could hear them pounding along behind me, getting closer and closer! Then the inevitable happened, I tripped landing on the cold hard floor. I found myself unable to get up! Then they reached me..._

I woke with a start and a scream. I slapped my hand over my mouth desperately hoping no one had heard me. I sat in complete silence for a while, my ears straining to hear any foot steps and when at last I decided I was in the clear I realised how badly I was shaking!

I climbed out of bed with stealth that I had never possessed before and crept down the stairs. My heart nearly stopped when I saw a dark figure sitting in a kitchen chair. I pulled my wand out faster than the speed of light before realising it was only Remus. _Do you really need a drink?_ I found myself asking. But the dry scratchy feeling at the back of my throat answered that for me.

"Tonks?" He asked surprised as he saw me lurking in the doorframe.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the darkness of the kitchen. I held my wand up and muttered "Accio," under my breath. Instantly a cup flew out of the cupboard and I caught it deftly before walking over to the tap and fulling it up.

I stood there gulping down the water quickly with my eyes never leaving Remus, who, was staring right back.

"Will you tell me?" He said breaking the unbearable silence.

"Tell you what?" I asked deliberately misunderstanding him.

"You know what I mean," He said "Will you tell me what happened?"

"I- Remus- you see," I stammered unable to find an answer. "Not yet," I finally settled on.

"Why not?" He asked me looking genuinely hurt.

"I-I'm just not ready, not tonight," I told him

He stood up very, very slowly and walked towards me until he was only inches away. I surprised myself by not shying away but standing up tall and almost confidently. I surprised myself by not screaming at him when he placed a cautious hand on my shoulder. I surprised myself by actually enjoying being held by him and being rocked from side to side.

"Then I'll wait for you," He whispered in my ear.

**There you have it, chapter 3 xD Was it any good?**

**Please please please review an tell me unlike the other 162 people who read my story!**

**Oh and one last thing before I go! I'm away on holiday for a week and a bit tomorrow xD So I haven't given up, I just have no internet connection :( hopefully I'll have another chapter up soon xD**


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